So here I am, in Dover Del. Sitting in the hotel room. Doing, well, this. We finished with all of the rehearsal dinner things and then parted ways. Bob went out to Wendy and Matt's house with the guys and since I am carless, I was unable to go out to the house where the girls are staying and hang out. So, since Bob was stupid enought to leave his laptop here and turned on, I'm making good use of it. The wedding tomorrow promises to be beautiful. Wendy's dress is gorgeous and the church is amazing. Hopefully the weather will hold out and the rain will not start until later in the evening after we've left the reception. All of this hoopla almost makes me think being in a steady relationship would not be such a bad thing, but then I come to my senses and realize it just is not meant to be. I'm not the kind of girl guys find appealing for several reasons 1) I'm too opinionated 2) I'm too loud 3) I'm too short 4) I'm too fat (yes I am) 5) I am too focused on me right now. At least if I were a guy those would be the reasons I would give for not liking me. Sigh. I'm better off being single.

My grandmother is not doing well at all. I did get to visit her on Wednesday night before we left to come down here and I'm glad I did. It doesn't look like she's going to make it through the weekend. I feel guilty about not being at home. Both my father and my mother have told me there really isn't anything different I could do back home and I'm better off just staying here, but still, knowing my family is rallying around my grandmother in what could be her last couple of days makes me want to be home. For as much of a pain in the butt as they are too me, my family is still important. My grandmother has been through a lot in her life. She has lived with diabetes for a long time (as long as I can remember) and was divorced from my grandfather, twice (the first time she was forced to raise my father who was 10 at the time and his three younger sisters on her own). The woman is so very strong, I just wish some of that strength could carry her through this, but deep down I know it is not enough. Isn't anything good going to happen to me this year?!

Not only is that going on but, and I share this only reluctantly, "things" have changed between Bob and I. I don't know how to describe it. Like I told one of my other friends, it feels like there's been a change in the force (for all of you Star Wars geeks out there). So hard to describe. We've been friends for so long I keep fighting what I think it is that is going on. Funny, huh? I complain about there not being any good guys around and when one does show up, or should I say reveals himself in my life, I turn away. AAAAUUUGGGHHHH! Marti and I have had conversations about the subject and she thinks that if we could get past the initial weirdness, we would have a wonderful relationship. I don't know. We're good friends and all but, oh god, I don't know...

Sigh. I need to go to bed. I'm drained.

Good night my sweets.