Last night I did something I never thought I'd do in a million years....I watched Fox. On purpose. Sad I know but my competative side got the better of me. Last night they had a show on called Test the Nation. It was supposed to be this big IQ test for the country. Bob called me after I got home and told me it was on. I already knew it was going to be on but had planned on just watching something else. Unfortunately he got to my overly competative side and I caved. He knows what buttons to push, after 20+ years of friendship it shouldn't be that hard. But I digress. I took the test. Was going along just fine...until the math section. God I hate math. No, I loathe math. In college, I took college algebra and was never so happy to see a D in my whole life. Trust me, that grade was a gift. My brain just isn't wired for that kind of stuff. Why do you think I was a history major for crying out loud?! Anyway, the show itself was pretty cheesy as most Fox show's are. I scored a 109. Not bad, but I think I've lost IQ points since college. Hmmm, that was right about the time I started my drinking habits. Beer=lost IQ points? Nahhhh. I prefer not to think about it. Besides, I would have kicked butt if there had been a history section.

So far so good this week on the diet. I found some good recipes in my new issue of Shape for low cal sandwiches. I tried one last night and loved it so much I made it again tonight. It was roasted red peppers and spinach with goat cheese on a whole wheat baguette. I added my own little touch to it by using a small amount of light cesar dressing (it only added 20 more calories). Very yummy.

My friend Loni emailed me today. She's married to Brad (who I've been friends with since we were little kids) and they are expecting their first child in the beginning of September. Sigh. I feel like they just told us Loni was pregnant. Now she's heading into the home stretch (so to speak). Why does it seem like everyone else's life is in fast forward and someone hit the reverse on mine? Almost all of my friends are either deeply engrossed in their jobs (which they love) or busy building new families. I have none of that right now. No romantic prospects on the horizon. No chance of enjoying my full time job. I've got NOTHING! Very depressing. Granted a lot of it is my own fault. The commitmentphobia is keeping me from doing anything about my singleton status. Not that there's anything wrong with being a singleton, it's just that, well, I don't want to end up like my mom. On one hand I don't want that. On the other I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. A very double-edged sword. I noticed I have a bad habit of pulling away when I think things are progressing. That's what I did with the Match guys. I admit it. When things started moving along a little quickly, I pulled back. But I just wasn't feeling anything either. I wish I could say I did. But I didn't. I thought if we met in person I would be able to change that. Sigh. No dice. That 5,000lb weight was hanging over my head. Until I get rid of it, I'm not going to be good for anyone. Blah. There are times when I think maybe it was just meant to be that I was alone for the rest of my life. I don't like it, but it is a harsh truth I'm starting to face as I get older.

The big 3-0 is looming large. The clock is ticking and I don't have anyone to wind the damn thing.