Just finished reading Yaz's latest posting on his new journal type site. Sounds like he's found himself a woman. Sigh. Why is it so easy for some people to fall in and out of relationships? That boy is never at a loss for women fawning over him. Heck, I admit it, I did. I guess I should just be lucky we're friends. He's a good guy and deserves a little happiness in his life. I on the other hand just can't seem to get it right. Just can't seem to put it out there. Send out the right vibe. Too many years of thinking I'm not pretty enough or good enough tend to do that to you I guess. I still look in the mirror and even though there is a thinner version of me staring back I still see the old version. The version that didn't go to any of her proms or homecomings in high school. The version that drank way too much in college to numb the broken hearts. The whole mess with my parents has not helped matters much. I see everything my mother is going through and ask myself if it is really worth it. Maybe on some level it is. I don't know.

I'm still waiting for the fireworks and the Gershwin. It only happened once before, and I didn't speak up and now he's gone.