I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

One of my good friends said those very words to me the other day when we were talking over IM. She recently started a new relationship and is about 4 or 5 months in. The guy she's with is very nice. Treats her like a queen. They've even gone so far as to be partially moved in together (he still maintains his own place in another town). All is just honky dory bingo as one of my old teachers used to say.

So why is she saying this? Why does she feel this way?

I can't answer for her, but I can answer for myself, because these exact same words have been reverberating in my head for the past couple of days. When's the other Adidas going to hit the pavement?

For me the answer as to why I've had this on my mind is because, well, for me the other shoe always does drop. The phone stops ringing. The emails stop coming. I'm all out avoided or pretty much just pushed aside. In most cases for a younger, thinner version. Ever since this whole thing with Him started I've been under no illusions that it's for the long term. And I'm o.k. with that. The longer it goes on though, the more invested in it I get. And that's not good. It feeds into my laziness about actually finding a real non-dysfunctional relationship.

Why gussy yourself up and go out when you've got someone ready and willing to go at a phone call's notice?

F-ed up logic, I know. But when you've had your heart ripped out and tangoed on as much as I have over the years, you kind of learn the art of self preservation. Get out (or try to) before they get the chance to reject you. Or even better, don't get emotionally involved at all.

This is just something that's been on my mind lately. Chalk it up to impending PMS or the fact that I'm at work alone on Sunday with nothing to do but listen to overplayed Christmas music and down oyster crackers while I wait for things to come in for tomorrow's edition.