I was supposed to go out tonight with one of the girls from work. Instead, after I left the full time job I stopped by the part time to imbibe a little, if you will. It was a futile attempt at regaining some of the spirit of the season.

He was there. Just finishing up his day. We talked a little. Heck, I talked to everyone today while I was there. He asked for a ride home. I obliged. Nothing more than I would do for any of my friends.

We got to his place and as he was getting out I told him I'd see him later. He asked me to come in. You see where I thought this was going, right?

Notice I said thought.

After three hours of me sitting on the futon and him playing Play Station (really guys, what is the fascination?) I decided I needed to get the ball rolling, so to speak. Besides, it was past my dinnertime. So I suggested leaving to grab a bite. He said no, he was going to get some sleep. Inwardly I was all "Huh. O.k., only I can go from wanted woman to roadside trash in the manner of minutes." Basically I just played it off like I was really tired too, which I am, but since I can't sleep anyway it doesn't matter. But I digress. I left his place and the more I thought about it the more I thought, I'm getting the bloody blow off! So after a quick stop at Blockbuster (no Christmas Vacation in sight, but did finally pick up Mean Girls) I went back, marched up the steps to his apartment, opened the door...and pretended to look for my cell phone.

Sigh.

As I was leaving I did look him dead in the eye though and said "You'd come right out and tell me if you wanted to stop doing, whatever this is, that we're doing, right? I mean, you wouldn't just..."

"No, I wouldn't just." was the reply.

"Just checking," I said as I closed the door.

And in one feel swoop I became that neurotic girl. Guh.

I stopped on the way home for dinner a la Wendy's and caught up on some much needed television watching. West Wing from two weeks ago and this week's episode. Then I made the mistake of watching Love, Actually.

A very PMSy girl should never be allowed to watch that movie alone after being mildly rejected. Or else she'll go through about a half a box of Kleenex's herself and sobbingly ask the dog why she can't find her lid becasue everyone else has found their lid and it isn't fair that she's this old and still hasn't found hers.

Not that I would know anyone who's done anything like that.

On the bright side, I have decided after tonight's little episode that I do need to step back. I was starting to care too much. It's time I slowly start backing off. That way, when he tells me he doesn't want to do this anymore, I can be prepared. I can bow out gracefully.