Sunday, March 06, 2005

I originally wrote this post Wednesday night. After three sleepless nights and much ruminating about my life, I've come to the conclusion that life moves on, whether you're ready or not.

The thing that had been keeping me up at night and completely distracted at work, was, well, the possibility that a little Agategoddess could have been in the works for a November appearance. Yep. You read that right. I hate to admit it but the last time I had sex (really, when you bring someone home from the bar once, you can't call it making love) Mr. Friday and I were not exactly dilligent about the protecion.

*smacks head on desk in shame*

Yeah, I know. It's important to be careful. And I was on the pill. But my next pack was late arriving and our encounter happened after I had been off about 3 weeks. Yeah. When TOM didn't show up on time I freaked. Big time. But as stated before, good friend Lyzz, well, she actually talked some sense in to me. Made me realize I just needed to take a test and get it over with.

And I did.

And it was NEGATIVE. Tears of joy. That was my first reaction. Tears of freaking joy. As much as I enjoy kids and well, maybe would like one eventually, now is not the time. Not while I'm such a mess financially. Besides, it would be nice to be in some kind of a relationship if a kid's going to be involved. Just saying is all.

So now I've learned my lesson. One slip up and well, this blog could take on a totally different tone. Following is Wednesday's original post:

A mile a minute

My thoughts have been moving a mile a minute over the last week. Praying (God and I have a tenuous relationship at best) and hoping what I think is happening, isn't.

That's why I haven't blogged in some time. A mini (or potentially not so mini) personal crisis is going on. And for the first time in the almost 21 years I've known him, I can't talk to the room mate about it. No. This stress, this whatever is something that requires another girl's mind.

Sigh.

I just keep thinking I'm not ready for this. At 29, I'm still. not. ready. Most girls my age are. Most women, I should say, my age have been through it at least once. I haven't. And it scares the bejeebers out of me.

I haven't even talked to my sister about it yet. I don't even know if there is an "it" to talk about yet. We'll find out this weekend.

Fingers are crossed.

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