Wish I was here


I'm going to pretend I'm here.

Listening to the calming sound of the waves, letting all of my stress ease out of my body.

And not at home. Sent home from the Lobster because I'm a crying blubbering mess who can't handle tables tonight.

We (mother and I) went to the lawyer's office this morning. I alternated between anger toward her (it turns out she was going to court proceedings and signing things because she thought it would end what was going on) and anger at my father for doing all of this. *sigh* Yes, I do want this long, drawn out, bitter thing to end. It's been emotionally draining for everyone.

And will be financially. My mom will need help paying the lawyer and getting through this. It looks like I will be cancelling my birthday trip. That money is needed for more important things.
And I'm tired. Tired of being the one who has to be strong. Tired of picking up the pieces when my father does one thing and says another. Just tired. I think that's why I got so upset tonight. I'm a classic emotion swallower anyway. Too much and it all has to come out sometime. Unfortunately it hit me as I was entering work.

So now I'm home, alone. Trying to find something to preoccupy my mind. Friend James is going to pick me up later for drinks. Maybe getting myself all drunk will help. Maybe not. Who knows.

I sure as hell don't anymore.

The blog may sit empty for a few days. We have some things to work out financially for this whole thing to proceed. I'll be back though. Not sure when, but I'll be back.