Monday, April 17, 2006

How to ruin a budding relationship in two easy steps or why I should be locked in a room by myself once a month

Thursday was the beginning of the end.

New guy and his friend unexpectedly came into the part time for karaoke. We were our usual busy selves so I didn't get to converse with them too much while I was still on the clock. Luckily though, I was first out that night which meant I could stay and have a drink or two. Hopefully continue building on the good vibe leftover from the date the previous night.

Then the PMS monster reared it's ugly head and things went south real fast.

Considering the makout session we had on the couch the night before, I was under the impression that maybe this time things would be different. Maybe this one had a chance of moving on. But New guy was relatively drunk by the time I was able to sit down and hang out. He was more interested in the other girls hanging around. The skinny little 20 and 21 year olds who work there or were in house for some karoke. Lately my self-esteem has been at an all time low so his constant remarks about this or that girl weren't helping. I wanted to think it was just me overreacting (as I am prone to do).

We both left at the same time. He was headed off to drink more with a buddy somewhere else. I was going home to get at least five hours of sleep before I had to be up for the full-time. Before we parted he grabbed my hand and pulled me close.

"You're leaving too?"

"Yeah, I need some sleep. Not that I thought you would notice." I rolled my eyes and started to pull away as I said it.

He pulled me back. "What does that mean?"

"It's just that I didn't think you would even realize I had gone tonight."

"I'm really not like that."

We kissed for a minute.

"O.k. I'll talk to you sometime soon then. Be careful."

And that was that. But it wasn't. The next day the whole think kept replaying in my head. So I decided to text message him around noon. Our exchange was light. What are you doing? How's work? Sleeping in late. Blah, blah, blah. Then I made a comment about how he probably didn't want to see me again because of my poopy attitude when we parted ways the the night before. He hadn't even noticed, or remembered.

So I called him. He didn't answer. I left a teary, PMS induced, scratchy voiced message about how he probably never wanted to see me again and I was sorry and all that crap. Then I did the next best thing and called someone I know would talk me down off the ledge. Lyzz.

I told her what happened Thursday, about the exchange Friday and how I felt like total crap because I was being a totally hormonal, ranting, raving psycho biotch. After she got me calmed down enough so I could string together a coherent sentence, she reminded me that I was the one who was dragging the drama on. Maybe it was time to employ the "going dark" technique. Pull back a little.

Of course she was right.

New guy and I talked right before I headed out to the part time again. He told me he's the kind of guy who just goes with the flow. It was really no big deal. I needed to stop obsessing over it, he was o.k. and understood. I felt a little better.

Saturday and Sunday the guys stopped back into the part-time again. We talked a little but it was just slightly East of weird, something I was afraid was going to happen. New guy texted me yesterday after they left.

Don't want things to be weird.

I called and got his voicemail. My message back was long and essentially said the same thing. That I hoped we could still see each other. That I hoped he wasn't giving up on me just yet. But if he was, I understood. And that maybe we could just hang out again soon.

His reply? I know.

And that's where we left it. Where it goes from here, I don't know. Maybe more will come out of it. Maybe not. Maybe I'm just a PMS induced psycho who would be best following the path to becoming a nun.


mr. helpful said...

dude, you MUST chill.

honest to god, NO ONE is worth this kind of torture...

not even ME...

heh heh heh

agategoddess said...

Yeah. I know. Sometimes though the hormones get in the way and block the common sense part of my brain. Usually I'm a relatively low key kind of gal.

Which is why once a month I should be locked in a room by myself.

kaz said...

PMS or not, I think one of the things that really makes a guy attracted to you or not is actually your self esteem- regardless of the few extra pounds. If you put two girls in the same room, one fifteen pounds heavier or a little older than the other but with a positive attitude and confidence and the other slim but with low self confidence, they'll pick the heavier,older girl. Guys, just like girls, are attracted to the people who exude calm confidence.(Barring the obsession with breasts interferring). And don't ever apologize for who you are. If a guy has just been getting to know you and is shallow enough to be distracted by window dressing so easily, then he's probably not going to be deep enough to go the distance anyway. You're a mature, confident, sexy woman. Why bother! But be straight forward about it. Don't apologize for who you are- just be honest and say that his behavior made you doubt whether or not you'd really want to be involved ina relationship with him. Because bitchy or not, no one in the first stages of dating ever wants to take back seat. Nor should they. The dude needs dating protocol lessons.