More reasons why I will never be mistaken for a proper lady

Exhibit #1 - This morning as I was actually attempting to do my hair and put on a little makeup, I had a had spasm that sent black eyeliner straight up my forehead. Running out the door 20 minutes later, I still had a little bit of smudge along my hairline that I've been trying to hide with my poorly brushed hair all day.

Exhibit #2 - Since I have not made the time to do any laundry this week, I am down to just my "sexy" underwear, usually just reserved for hot dates or those deemed potential for a quick piece of ass in the backseat of my car (I kid. O.k., just for hot dates.). Because I am not used to wearing them, my one pair puts me in constant wedgie mode that I must nonchalantly attempt to remove. While in one of the back hallways I made the attempt only to be caught in the act by someone else in the office. Luckily they have known me for quite some time, so just rolled their eyes and went about their business.