Barely hanging on

I originally posted this over at my MySpace blog, then quickly realized I shouldn't have so I removed it and moved it over here. This post was born out of stress, frustration and lack of sleep. But it was something I just had to get out there. The whole thing started yesterday afternoon when I called band director #1 to tell him I wouldn't be at practice due to my having to work. He jumped all over me about it and put me in a bad way for the rest of the night. The more I thought about it, the more upset I became. Them this morning, I had an email from one of my kids at school #2 expressing her frustration with the situation there. I don't blame her, I'd be upset too. We're into the 2nd week of band camp and don't have any routines learned because Head Guard Guy has been there less than I have. They have a performance this Friday and don't know even 1/4 of their show. Seeing her email just upset me even more because I am stretched so thin and they are asking me to give so much more...and I just can't. There's nothing left to give.

From MySpace:

Stretched
Current mood: distressed

I woke up this morning sick to my stomach. And it's gone down hill from there. This fall, I am now convinced is going to kill me.

Even worse, I think this may be my last season instructing guard. Anywhere. I don't know. I feel like I'm doing this and the kids just don't care like they should (sorry to any of you who truly do, you know who you are) and I'm just stretched so thin between both jobs and both bands that I'm going to have a breakdown at any second. As I write this I'm trying to hold back the tears of frustration...

Sigh. My life would be so much easier if I learned to use the word NO and stuck with it.

Rant over. Again, sorry guys, just had to get that off of my chest. I love you all...