Thursday, November 15, 2007

With the good, always some bad

Sunday was supposed to be a day spent enjoying School #2's victory the night before. Watching other bands go through the stress and high blood pressure moments of Champsionships, while I just enjoyed the day. It was meant to be a day of bonding with my Pi Nu brothers and sisters. And it started out that way.

After about five hours of sleep (we celebrated the end of the season at Newbie's house with run, beer and jokes) I was up again, on my way to the competition where Pi Nu was serving as band hosts. Basically we were there to help the bands get checked in and find the bathroom. Nothing big.

The morning went well. Bands were greeted, laughs were had.

Then I got the phone call around noon from my sister.

"Did you read the paper?" She was in tears, sobbing into the phone.

"No, why?" A million things were going through my head at this point, but I had a pretty good idea what she was going to say.

"It's action was granted..." She started crying again.

My heart fell to my stomach.

"You mean, he finally went through with it? It's finally over?"

"Yeah, according to what's in the paper, the divorce was granted. Mom doesn't even know yet. Uncle just called me to tell me. How do I call her and tell her this? How do I break to our mother that her marriage is over?"

I was quiet for a minute. I didn't have an answer.

My sister finally caught her breath. "I'll call her shortly. It will be better if it comes from one of us."

"O.k., call me if you need me. I can leave here anytime I want."

We hung up. And I threw my phone. TBD had sat down beside me on the curb when he saw me getting upset. He could tell something was wrong. When I threw my phone I lost it. I couldn't stop the tears. Here it was, after all of these years, all of this back and forth, seperation and non-seperation. Over. Just like that. 34 years of marriage, down the tubes. I cried for my mom, who I knew was probably flipping out at that moment. I cried because my dad lied and if there is one person in your life who you should trust, shouldn't it be your father? I cried because I knew what I would have to deal with in the coming days.

TBD quietly picked up my phone and put his arm around me. Once I calmed down, I told him. He said he was sorry. If there was anything he could do...No, I said, there was nothing he could do now. So he suggested we hit the Red Robin next to the park. We could have a drink and get away for a little bit.

I took a few more calls from my aunt, then my sister, then my aunt again as the afternoon wore on. Mom was so upset she wouldn't eat. She didn't want to take her medication. She was going to take all of her medication at once and do herself in. The last phone call was from my sister. She had driven our mom to her house for dinner, but wanted me to stay with mom overnight. There was a fear she would do something rash.

So I returned earlier than originally planned. Room mate #1 was well aware of what was going on, as he's always been the one friend I turn to right away in a crisis. He's been there from the beginning of all of this. We talked about it, about how this could have been avoided. About how my dad is a big, fat, liar.

About what my mom needs to do from that point to move on.

Sunday night was spent on the couch. My father called twice, that I'm aware of. Once around 1 a.m., all I heard of the conversation was a lot of why, why, why's from my mom's end. The second call was around 5 a.m., right before I woke up for work. He was trying to convince my mother to go to some "meeting" with his lawyer Wednesday morning. Supposedly to reverse the divorce because he "never wanted it to happen."

I rolled my eyes at this. If he didn't want it, then why did he start it in the first place?

My sister scheduled an appointment for all of us to meet with a lawyer Tuesday after work, where my mother found out that yes, it was indeed too late for the divorce to be stopped and two, she should not, under any circumstances, go to a "meeting" with my dad and his lawyer. Not without some representation of her own at least. Her next option, is to try to do what she can to make sure assets are distributed more evenly. As of now, my dad would get everything. Mom, nothing. She has 30 days to submit a motion that would at least slow things down.

And I am more certain than ever, after yesterday, that she will.

My mom actually read one of the documents she received and for once, did something that will help her in the end...she got ANGRY. Very angry. Angrier than the time I failed one of my high school classes. Angrier even than the time I came home from college for one of my aunt's (my dad's sister) husband's funeral still drunk from the night before.

For the last five years I've tried to stay neutral through all of this. And now, well, now I just want to make sure my mom is taken care of. As for my father, well, I would like to repair our relationship but now, I'm not so sure. He's lied, he's deceived and he's hurt many people I love. It's going to take a long time before we ever get any part of our relationship back.

I hate that this had to happen, but I think now my mom can move forward. She's stronger than she gives herself credit for...and I'm glad it's that trait we share more than others right now.

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