It's a submission move

I don't handle competition very well.

Guess I'm a little more competitive than a girl should be. I mean, heaven help anyone who ticks me off on the ice. And do I need to recount the great Loss of Temper and Uno Card Throwing Incident of '01?

But when it comes to matters of the heart...I'm as mushy and giving as a bowl of jello.

Really, what it boils down to is that I just know the other girl is going to win out in the end, so I don't even bother. A defetist mindset? Yes. But experience is a hard teacher. And that is one lesson I learned early.

Lately there's been a flirtation initiated with a, well, much younger guy. Oh, don't get me wrong, nothing has happened beyond some flirty texting and inuendo filled IM sessions. I want to be that care-free, no holds barred girl I like to think I am about this, but I just can't. The age difference is always in the back of my head, for one thing (he's 8 years younger). There's a world of difference between 24 and 32. One end is fresh out of college just starting, the other planted and holding steady, or at least pretending they are.

And I know there are other girls.

Girls closer to his age. More on his wavelength. More into the game.

What it boils down to is, I don't want to put forth the effort. I'm so tired of putting forth the effort and getting no where. Up until this recent flirtation I had been working on myself, getting back to the things I like (the play) or make me feel good (the gym and time with my niece).

I think for now I need to keep on that path and maybe I'll stray off some other time.