Thursday, April 23, 2009

Frustration, thy name is a bank account

You would think that by this stage in my life I would have SOME idea about how to manage my money. I mean, I've been working non-stop at multiple jobs since graduating from college. Heck, I had jobs before I left college. I mean, at least at this point I should be able to keep track of my money and its flow in and out (more out lately than in).

Not so.

I checked my account today (it get's checked at least 2 or 3 times a week) and realized I was overdrawn. Over. Freaking. Drawn. A combination of money I took out for the wedding trip last weekend and some automatic deductions for bills I forgot about put me in the red. I was so angry with myself this morning. And embarassed. And angry again. Sigh. My tax refund is supposed to be deposited in the next day or two but still, it stings. I have no food in the house and Will is coming here this weekend. I was supposed to make his favorite meal for him tomorrow night and now, unless my refund goes in after midnight tonight, that's not going to happen. Is it possible to survive on pancakes and baccon in a weekend?

I was mortified at the thought of telling Will about my banking issues. From the beginning I've been honest with him about my finances. How I'm a complete and utter disaster when it comes to managing my money. God love him, he's determined to help me change my ways because, well, considering the course we're on my problems will be coming to live with us. I am trying, really, I am. No impulse buys or random Target runs. No new purses or shoes (o.k., I did buy the white purse for Spring but that was the last one. I swear.). Less eating out, fast food or otherwise.

And still I'm in the red.

With any luck my job at the stadium (which starts again next week) will help to fill in the gaps a little. That paycheck will come bi-weekly on the off week of my check from the full time. So I guess that will give me some boost. But still I'm worried. My credit score isn't so great. I'm pretty much living paycheck to paycheck (like so many others now) and can only hope that when Will and I move in together in August or September, I'll have enough money to do it. That's what scares me the most I guess. Not being able to hold up my half of the bargain. He tells me not to worry about it but I do. I am my mother's child after all. And it's hard for me, still, to let go and completely rely on someone else. I think he realizes that and I'm greatful he's so patient. Heaven only knows I'm not.

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