Thursday, July 29, 2004

Lately the insomnia has come back. I close my eyes try to relax. Imgaine myself on a beach somewhere. Or maybe on a sailboat in the Carribean enjoying a sunset with a margarita in my hand. But to no avail. Inevitably I lay there for what seems like four or five hours only to open my eyes and see I've actually been there for only one. Sigh.

Sometimes I do get into a dream state but I wind up dreaming about people or events that upset me so much I wake up anyway. Like last night, I had a horrible dream that I showed up for my going away lunch at work and only Lyzz was there. She had made arrangements for all of these people, there were two huge tables set up with many chairs around them, and not a single person showed up. So we sat around, drank tequila until we couldn't see straight and that was when I woke up. I also recall in my dream we started calling people and yelling at them but I don't remember who and what it was we said. Lol.

I'm not sure but I think I have some serious problems. Hey, at least I admit them!

It's so frustrating. I can't stand it. I've even tried staying up as late as possible so I can just collapse into my bed and hopefully fall into a blissfully deep sleep. No dice. Reading isn't even doing it for me. I used to be able to read for about a half hour and fall asleep in a snap. Not anymore. Don't know if it's something hormonal (TOM is fast approaching) or nerves about the new job or just so much stuff I have on my mind my poor brain just can't deal with it all. I don't know.

I just wish it would stop soon. My new job starts Aug. 9 and I need to get myself back into the habit of getting up at 5:30 a.m. (a time I haven't seen in the last 6 months unless it meant I was coming in). Not sleeping then waking up super early is not a good combination.

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