The Flutter Effect

The former room mate and I, being the girls we are, often sat around the apartment and discussed men. And sex. And men. And occasionally what it is we were looking for.

She had a theory that when Mr. Right happened along it would be like those wonderful Gershwin musicals. Birds would sing, fireworks would go off and everyone would spontaneously burst into well choreographed song and dance numbers. Magic. Pure magic would happen.

For me, it's all about the flutter.

The flutter has only happened two times for me. Oh, there have been more than two guys in and out of my life (just read this blog from about a year ago on) but only two have given me the flutter. Now you're asking, what is this girl talking about? Did she take too much cough medicine today?

No, I assure you, I didn't.

The flutter is that feeling I get from someone. Like a flutter in my heart. Like a million butterflies have just taken up residency in my chest and can't wait to get out into the sunshine. It's a warm sensation that I feel slip from head to toe. It's, well, it's the flutter.

I haven't felt the flutter in a long time. Not with any of the guys I've been with since October. There was one in September...but he's gone and doubtful will be seen from again. I'm slowly starting to forget him. Not that I want to, it's just that the brain and heart are actually working togeth on this one. For once I'm easily letting one go.

Then there's the other. Sigh. I still haven't let him go. And I need to. Desperately. Because I still see his smile. Still hear his voice. Still picture him. Still want him. He creeps into my thoughts at the most inopportune times. At work or while I'm driving home from something. While I'm at a bar with my friends or in the quiet moments just before I fall asleep. Sometimes he invades my sleep. And it needs to stop. As much as I know I'll always have the flutters when I see him I need to forget him. I must.

Because not forgetting him, is keeping me from moving on. It's hard to move on when you can't let go.