Thursday, July 28, 2005

The question

So, are you dating anyone? Seeing anyone new?

The words jumped out at me from the email. An old friend of mine messaging me to let me know she would be coming back to the area for a little bit. Wanting to catch up. Wanting to know the news.

A sigh escaped my lips. I actually had to stop and think about the last time I had been out on a date or even something closely resembling one. Since guys brought home from the bar and going out to dinner with the room mates or Friend James don't count I took quite some time for me to come up with an answer.

My last real date was almost 10 months ago.

My fingers paused over the keyboard before I answered. As much as I love my friends and don't want to keep things from them, I was too humiliated to answer with an exact number. So as I usually do when I'm not wanting to face something, I made a joke about it.

It's been so long I don't even remember what a date is!

The email was finished in a quick paragraph of too busy and no quality men around here, blah, blah, blah. Same old same old.

Later though, I really started thinking about it. Why haven't I put myself out there again? Why am I not even trying?! Part of the answer is I'm tired of trying. Tired of getting all dolled up, going out and...nothing. It's gotten so bad that the other night I didn't even bother to get out of my running clothes when I went to pick up dinner.

Then my brain went back to something the former room mate said while we were out at dinner two weeks ago. What it really boils down to is we don't want to give up our independence.

As usual she was right. I enjoy my alone time. Having the remote all to myself. My own timetable. The ability to take off for parts unknown at at moment's notice, no questions asked. Still, I can't help but imagine how nice it would be to have someone around the house every now and then. Someone to talk to. Someone to go to the multitude of weddings I keep getting invitations for. Someone to run with me or cheer me on at my hockey games. Someone to go to baseball games with. Someone to offer me a hug, no questions asked, after I've come home from a bad day.

I think I'd be willing to give up a little independence for that.

But just a little.

No comments: