For some reason today, I'm feeling very low. Not that I don't really know the cause, because I do, but I'm trying to avoid it and push it down, which is making it worse. And putting me in a bad mood.
I've snapped at two different funeral directors over the phone today.
You'd think that after my wonderful weekend of partying with M and his friends (by the way, I will party more often with gays and lesbians as I was never complimented so much before in my life as I was Saturday night) I would be raring to go. But I'm not. I'm dreading tonight. Tonight is JP's going away party/dinner and TBD will be in attendance with his new girlfriend. I'm a little bit afraid about how I'll deal with it. Don't get me wrong, TBD and I are the bestest of friends now but still...it hurts a little to see someone I once had feelings for with someone new. The rub of it is the girl he's with now is the sweetest most wonderful person. And I'm glad they're together because they're both happy, and I like to see the people around me happy.
Even if I'm not.
The old why hasn't happened for me yet whine is hanging in my head. That constant reminder that when it comes to matters of the heart, I'm a big, fat failure. What I'd like to have is some sign that I shouldn't give up hope yet, because lately, I'm finding it harder and harder to believe that I'll meet someone. That I really should keep hanging in there.
Hope, I've found lately in that area of my life is definitely in short supply.